Hello to those of you who read this.

I feel like a lot of people fish the tags purely for their own exposure and like posts (I don’t know what I expected, to be honest) but I’m not saying this in a depressive way, more an ‘I should probably have known’ way.

Today has been alright; I’ve been thinking about writing poetry a lot.

Did the presentation today at uni – thoughts:

  • Time management was strained and we had a little bit too much to say
  • I felt as though there were some key points I wanted to include but didn’t
  • It marks the end of not only Early Modern Comedy seminars but Poetry, too. I don’t know if I’m glad it’s over or not; I’ve got an exam on May 17th, but I’m not worried about it. I get the questions on Monday. Better get studying Don Paterson’s Rain.

The people at uni are going out for a drink tonight and I kind of wanted to join them, celebrate finishing the presentation; but at the same time, I didn’t. I feel excluded slightly from the rest of the people at university, and I don’t know why – I do know why it’s because I like to do well and put a huge amount of effort into my work and others don’t.

This morning as well I got a leaflet through the post for 20% off on Phone Screen repairs at Carphone Warehouse, which I was pretty happy about. I’m going to use that soon.

After my presentation, I went back home and sorted through all my old Magic cards – I have a lot more than I originally thought. I knew B wouldn’t be home until about half 1 so I had time. When she got home she was upset and I feel like it’s my fault because I didn’t do my chores, but I also know she’s going through a lot lately and maybe I shouldn’t take it to heart.


She’s been very upset today, and now I know why – because of Jess, her sister. I’m not preserving her anonymity because, frankly, she’s a cunt. I use that word meaning every single letter of it. She went out of her way to make B upset; she created and PAID for a Blipfoto account purely to leave nasty messages to B. On Blipfoto, there is no way to block or report people, so there’s not a right lot we can do about it. I want to call them and see what options we have, but I’ll find out more soon. Might email them.

We just ordered food, there was a 20% off deal when you spend £20 so you know what I did… I ordered an unnecessary amount of food.

B likes to keep up with my posts, and I appreciate her for it. But today we had an argument about what I mean to her, which has been resolved now, but it still really upset me.

She doesn’t think I want to have a kid eventually and doesn’t know if I love her, but I do.


of love, of lust,
cherry blossom
dreams haunt them but
Not in our fields.



I write this post to you, slightly intoxicated on cheap beer.

I’ve been thinking on my way back from the library today about being rich; I saw a meme (I know, right) and it really got me thinking about potentially writing a poem about the fact that there are people that wake up rich, people that are born rich and then there’s the opposite; the people that live their whole lives wishing to be something more. The people that work their whole lives waiting to wake up in a Beverley Hills house to get up and do nothing at all, except be rich.

It’s such a weird idea because when you actually think and ponder it, it’s not that great at all: imagine waking up one morning and you were grand-stinking rich, the kind of rich that affords you your deepest material desires – how did you get there? Did you work for it? Is it through your parents? Are you just ‘rich’ or are you a ‘celebrity’? Which ideal is it that people want – to be rich or to be a celebrity? Either way, you will have things to do and a day to get on with irrespective of what you are and potentially just as much unhappiness.

My Day Today:

I woke up, and I went to a Magic: the Gathering prerelease for a new set, it was really, really fun! I haven’t played MTG in years and it was refreshing to get back into it. I got a foil Teferi (the good one)! Which essentially paid for my prerelease, but I don’t really care about the money or anything. It was something B said when I got home from it that made me really think about it: she said something like ‘I hate those people that put a monetary value on stuff like that, can’t you put like a sentimental value on it or something? My sister said it about my Pop! vinyls and I didn’t care about devaluing them if I opened them, I wanted them for me.’ and I thought about it for a second, and I realised that she was entirely right, this Teferi, this piece of card represented something in me that I haven’t experienced in a long time; I went out and had fun (during the day) with likeminded people! It was exhilarating (beware for some MTG jargon now) playing Teferi and ultimating him; any time I drew a card I was exiling my opponent’s permanents left, right and centre!

At the end of the tournament, I went 2-2 (2 wins, 2 losses) which I’m actually really happy with! I’m happy I just got to play MTG again and I want to play more now! Part of me is worried about B though and I know I shouldn’t be and I know she wouldn’t want me to be, but I’m worried about how it could affect our relationship if I get back into it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m worrying over nothing.

After that, I went home to find my new fan delivered (YES). It’s alright, I suppose… I was about to type how amazing it is but I guess at the end of the day it turns warm air into cold air which isn’t particularly fascinating, but I really like it and I think it’s rather useful, to be honest.

Finally, at about 18:20-now I went to the university library to work on the presentation we have due for tomorrow and we actually, finally finished it! I know I haven’t posted about it really but it’s been a labour of love and I’m really proud of myself and them for how it’s been coordinated. Everyone’s listened and proactively done their part and it’s been altogether really good. Had a drink there too which was nice.



B is upset at the moment and I don’t know what to do: I offered her a takeaway but she hung up on me which, actually, is unacceptable. I hate it when people just hang up on me and all I did was ask her how she was, I don’t care if she didn’t want to talk about it, I deserve for her at least to say she doesn’t want to talk about it and definitely a goodbye before she hung up.

I don’t know why she’s sad, I think it’s because of guys on Twitter harassing her, but I don’t know for sure – I want to approach her and find out but I feel like she wants to be left alone (especially since there’s a sign on her door saying ‘Leave me alone pls’. I don’t want to violate any boundaries but I want to comfort and console her and let her know everything will be alright.

I try my best for her because I love her to pieces.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about babies and maybe having one with her. I know it’s a huge step in any relationship but I don’t know. I feel as though now isn’t the right time but then when is the right time? Exactly. We’ve only been together a year though and I don’t know. It is a life-changing commitment and will put us together permanently whether we like that or not. I know I love her and I know I always want to be with her, but for some reason, I’m still unsure about this. Maybe it’s because I want to experience my own life more before it changes entirely.

I don’t know.

I love her.